Last week I shared that I had finally gotten my mind together, and but my body was falling apart. After my crazy week, I think I’ve lost my mind!
I say that jokingly, but I have made some crazy blunders this week. I forgot that my daughter needed to be picked up after her first day of basketball tryouts! Our family arrived at our former church’s anniversary party a weekend earlier than scheduled. I scorched our vegetables on the stove one night this week. I spent several times clicking the “lock” button on my car to “unlock” the car before my brain registered. My list could go on, but I can’t remember them all!
Aren’t there times in life when you just wonder what is going on? A voice flooded in, “What’s wrong with you?” I had to stop after all my many blunders and think about why I’ve had all these mix up’s in my mind.
There are times in my life when things just get too busy and spin out of control. First, I had to realize I need to slow down and pray to ask God for some direction. He made my body and knows what’s going on better than I do myself. I needed to take some time to think through why I’m “losing my mind.”
There is the physical aspect that I’m possibly entering the mid-stage of life waking up at all hours of the night, and I haven’t rested as well as I used to therefore, I don’t think clearly. My doctor informed me I cannot run nor walk until he gives me the okay. I have to heal from the inside out, and that takes time. So, my body is not getting any exercise to help stimulate the remaining brain cells that are functioning.
The other facet that may be causing some confusion is the fact that I have so many decisions “up in the air.” I don’t think I function very well when so many thoughts are rambling through my head. I wondered if I needed to go back to a physical calendar on my desk, something from Franklin Covey to help me organize my calendar – and my life.
Now that the books have both officially gone to print, I thought I’d be footloose and fancy free! Don’t take me wrong, I am very thrilled to have finished and released the final product; the season of singing has arrived in my heart! But now I need to focus on being prepared on the business side of things.
Establishing a business to market the books is a totally new adventure …kind of like another side trial to our journey. I’ve been thinking through a business and marketing plan. I’ve been praying about my entity; are we a non-profit or for-profit? Am I a Sole Proprietor or an LLC (Limited Liability Corp)? All these things are important to decide before you fill out forms for your tax identification number. Then I need to find an amiable, patient CPA. And the hardest decision has been to figure out a name for my ministry and purchase a domain on the internet. And how much should you pay for it? (The complexity of the web is another whole new world for me!) Throw in the daily family decisions…and wa-la – there you have it – a crazed woman.
Of course, as I blunder my way making business decisions, and learn to be business savvy, part of this process is receiving help from others – even when it hurts your pride. My perfectionist side wants to appear that I “have it all together.” God keeps striping me of false securities, makes me run to Him, and be willing to receive help from others.
I have always known that I really don’t like making big decisions and I’ve discovered through my absentmindedness that I am right where God wants me to be – in total dependence and desperation of Him. I need God’s help, not only to write, speak, and set up a business, but to even think straight!
I have found myself checking my calendar over and over again throughout the day. The fear of making another mistake motivated my behavior, and the fear of being found out a failure. I struggled with the embarrassment of our early visit for the anniversary party last weekend, but when it came down to why I was embarrassed – the reason was the fear of man’s approval, or lack thereof. (I am sure they thought I had lost all my mental faculties! I still would like to blame it on motherhood!)
The other possibility that clouds up my mind could be all the little things I need to remember and do. I need to un-clutter my mind by writing the activities down on a notepad. Riding in the car, I heard a brief comment by James Dobson. I‘ll paraphrase it, but he said that our physical, spiritual, and emotional wellbeing are all interrelated. I truly believe that – so when one of these areas of our lives gets out of balance – they all are affected.
As I know how, I am taking practical steps to keep my mind free of clutter to create a calmer, peaceful environment in my heart and home. Everyday I’ve started to slow down…and spend some quiet time in prayer, and renewing my mind reading scripture to get my mind focused. I take a few minutes and think through my schedule, praying over the day’s events, and writing it all down. I spend some time working on my “to do” list and set achievable goals for each day. I’m finding the balance in being prepared but not paranoid…allowing the process to turn my attentiveness to God for his help and guidance.
Spiritually, I am committing my mind and day to the Lord. Asking in prayer, “May my whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless until the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Thess. 5:23). I pray, “Father, I commit my mind, my life, and my work to you. Help me be slow to speak, quick to listen and think and slow to anger. Renew my mind today with the truth of who I am.”
God’s timing is always perfect to gently restore us to right thinking and to what is reality. I was reminded today through a lesson a friend of mine taught from the book Search for Significance, “We are forgiven and righteous because of Christ’s sacrifice; therefore, we are pleasing to God in spite of our failures. This reality can replace our fear of failure with hope, peace, and joy. Neither success nor failure is the proper basis our self-worth. Christ alone is the source of our forgiveness, freedom, joy and purpose.”
The only One who really understands us is God. He takes us and gently peels away whatever confidence we may be placing our security in so we will seek Him. My pride was and is at the root of my embarrassment – in my mistakes and mix-ups – worrying about what everyone thinks of me! These humbling circumstances make me struggle with my confidence, whether the mistakes were made by confusion, lack of planning, or brain overload. How can I feel so insecure and unintelligent when the source of all security and wisdom is with me? What peace comforts me to know when I feel I’ve lost my mind, getting back in step, walking with God gives me clarity.
It is in God’s presence where we can find mind and soul-balance.